It’s All Relationship Coaching
“Scot, how is it you’re both a dating coach and a career coach?”
If you cringe when you hear the term “life coach”, I’m right there with you. It lacks specialization. Everyone knows nobody can possibly be an expert at everything life throws at us.
That said, if you subscribe to the concept of a coach as “benevolent listener and supporter”, then being a “life coach” sounds more plausible. But in my practice I expect to deliver more than that. People want knowledge, skills, meaningful accountability, and real-world results.
Both my formal education and my early career were in the coaching field, years before anyone actually called it “coaching”. In the late ‘80s I was coaching at-risk teenagers in underserved areas to recognize their potential and build a better future. In retrospect, that could have counted as “life coaching” in the general sense. Mentorship to the younger generation can make that meaningful.
But along came years in the business world. In the midst of that, a rough divorce brought about a sincere personal journey to improve my skills with women so that history wouldn’t repeat itself in divorce court. If you’ve ever been through a bitter breakup yourself, you know firsthand how easy it can be to descend into victimhood. Perhaps, like me, you figured out quickly that gaining personal power is far more effective...and a lot more fun.
By the time I decided it was time to get off the soul-crushing hamster wheel of helping big companies help other big companies get richer, I had some real, transferable skills tied to valid life experience. Wanting to go back to making the world a better place, re-entering the coaching space was a natural fit.
Feeling burned out from the business world grind, and having experienced particularly exciting newfound success with women, my passion was to empower as many other dudes with no “game” as I could. I mean, life is way better as a man when women love you. Back in 2005, there was an entire ecosystem of guys helping other guys get better with women, so against all the odds I went for it.
From the very start, I was more about understanding, respecting, and actually liking women rather than being yet another sleazy “pickup artist”. Empowering men for successful long-term relationships with women was a market differentiator, and still is.
That was my gig because that’s what I knew. And I built a successful, location-independent business around it.
A key by-product of that business was freedom. Suddenly my new wife Emily (aka my “proof of concept”) and I ditched the alarm clock and traveled the world, all while “working” the business.
You guessed it. Before long, guys who had originally showed up looking to improve with women wanted to know how to make that lifestyle happen for themselves as well. Maybe you can relate.
Over the years, X & Y Communications has expanded into coaching couples, career climbers, those who want better communication skills, and most recently those going through rough divorces.
On the surface, this cycle of eschewing “life coach” generalization in favor of “dating coach” specialization, only to branch out into other areas later anyway is reminiscent of how “Ma Bell” was broken up in 1984 only to reconsolidate bit by bit over the years.
I’ll admit, a while back I had started wondering if I was doing that.
Then it occurred to me. It’s all about relationships. My specialization isn’t “dating” or “business” or “marriage” or “communication”. It’s relating.
Your goal may be to meet people you find attractive, get into a romantic relationship, land the job, sell more product, win more customers, or get promoted, and actually interact effectively with any of those people.
Regardless of the goal, without improving your relationships you’ll stay stuck.
It’s simple: when you get better with people in general, your love life, professional life, and your social life will all improve.
After all, none of us want just romantic success, or career success, or social success. We want it all.
And yes, the central premise around here of the “Big Four” transcends dating and elegantly applies to all of that...how you connect with coworkers, clients, bosses, friends, and even your own family.
Add it all up, and it’s no wonder that those who come to me to get better with women often also report getting promoted at work. Or getting along better with most everyone they know. It makes perfect sense.
Tactical job expertise is valuable. So is resilience. So is navigating certain labyrinthine ecosystems like the tech world or federal government. There are other coaches who specialize in those areas, and rightly so.
But around here it’s all about relationships. It actually always has been. After all, everyone yearns for better relationships with real human beings. In this increasingly technical age, never has that mission been more important.
If you think so too, you’re in the right place.